Stand-up Comedy – Chewy

_Elsa_

And here comes our Chewy! Rancid tells him to break a leg (just a phrase).

One of the judges asks him to introduce himself by giving his name and where he lives.

“My name is King Chewy but my friends all call me Chewy. I am 44 years old and I live in the Candy Kingdom.” 

“And what are you going to do for us today,” the judge asks. 

Chewy tells the judge that today he is going to perform as a stand-up comedian. He clears his throat and then begins with his first joke. 

‘A stand-up comic gets a gig to perform at an old age home......

Soon into his act he notices that most of the old people there are pretty out of it so he tries to tell the same joke twice and people still laugh cos they have already forgotten that they just now heard it.

So he gets a kick out of it and keeps telling the same joke for half an hour and towards the end of it he notices that one old guy is staring at him.  He finishes his half hour and is about to leave and that old guy approaches him.

The comic is a bit nervous that the old guy is gonna confront him about what he just did. He braces himself for some uncomfortable confrontation and the old guy asks him "How do you remember all those jokes?!’

Wow the audience is really loving it! He continues with another joke. 

‘So drunk he can't stand up…..

An Irishman's been drinking at a pub all night. When he stands up to leave, he falls flat on his face. He tries to stand one more time, but to no avail. Again, he falls flat on his face. He figures he'll crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up. Once outside, he stands up and, sure enough, he falls flat on his face. The Irishman decides to crawl the four blocks to his home.

When he arrives at the door, he stands up and falls flat on his face. He crawls through the door into his bedroom. When he reaches his bed, he tries one more time to stand up. This time, he manages to pull himself upright but he quickly falls right into bed. He is sound asleep as soon as his head hits the pillow.

He awakens the next morning to his wife standing over him, shouting, "So, you've been out drinking again!"

"Why do you say that?" he asks innocently.

"The pub called. You left your wheelchair there again."

“My classroom teacher made me stand up in front of the class for being a nuisance during the lesson.

She held her pointer stick towards me and said, "At the end of this stick, there is an idiot!" 

I got detention after asking which end.’ (Info here) 

He gets a standing ovation from the judges. Everyone in the audience is laughing and applauding him. 

“Thank you very much,” Chewy says as he heads off the stage. 

Let’s continue here - A magic trick with Dachs

Start at the beginning – Welcome to the Friends’ Got Talent show!

If you haven’t read the first part of this 2-part story you can read it here – Friends’ Got Talent